Preface
The purpose of this book is first to create awareness in families that
it is the birthright of every family to be a powerful unit for generations
to come. Second, I want this book to create the awareness in
families that it is the birthright of every family member, as individuals,
to have the opportunity to unlock their highest potential for their
ultimate fulfillment, meaning, inspiration, and prosperity. Third, bonds
of affinity that exist between family members are stronger than blood
bonds. It’s important to form bonds of affinity if the family is to continue
for generations as a powerful family. Fourth, it is my heart’s desire
to assist families for multiple generations to develop the know-how,
the skills, and the human behavioral understanding to keep the family
vision growing until the momentum of the snowball keeps on to
such an extent that the impact and influence of that vision will be felt
seven generations from now. Fifth, I wish to assist families in becoming
inspired to create and maintain a family vision for multiple generations,
to empower the family in transforming the proverb “from shirtsleeve to
shirtsleeve in three generations.”
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From Shirtsleeves to Shirtsleeves in Three Generations
In Japan, there’s an expression, “Rice paddies to rice paddies in three
generations.” The Scottish say, “The father buys, the son builds, the
grandchild sells, and his son begs.” In China, “Wealth never survives
three generations.” Around the world there are many variations on this
theme, all used to describe the tendency of the third generation of a
family to squander the wealth obtained by the first generation.
According to studies, only 30 percent of family businesses built by
one generation are passed on to their children, and only 10 percent of
those businesses ever reach a third generation. One reason suggested
is that the third generation doesn’t possess the same set of values,
work ethic, and perspective because of their very different experience
growing up.
The first generation struggles hard to rise above their current conditions
in order to achieve a more comfortable life for themselves and
their family. They work hard, diligently save their money, and by their
later years have something of value to pass on.
Their children, the second generation, grow up as a witness to their
parents’ struggle and understand the value of hard work. Although they
now live a comfortable life, they can remember a childhood filled with
frugality and perhaps even poverty. Because of this, they make educational
and financial choices that help them build on what their parents
created. By retirement, they have, most likely, acquired even greater
wealth.
The third generation, however, has no memory of want or struggle.
They’ve only known a life of plenty. When the family wealth is passed
onto them, they lack the values and skills necessary to maintain the
health of the assets. If universal proverbs and small business statistics
are to be believed, the third generation squanders the resources their
parents and grandparents worked so hard to achieve. Thus, the threegenerations
cycle.
Figure 1 shows the etymology of the word wealth.
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FIGURE 1 Etymology of the word wealth
ENGLISH
ENGLISH
ENGLISH
well MIDDLE ENGLISH
welthe
wealth
health
weal
The word wealth in Middle English is welthe, which refers to weal,
on the pattern of health. Wealth means well-being and prosperity. It is
the right of every person to be prosperous and live with well-being and
fulfillment.
It’s also the right of every person to have the following
opportunities:
• To live an extraordinary and exemplary life and to raise culture and
society through it
• To serve vast numbers of people. It is in service to others that meaning
of life increases
• To develop a transcendent mindset about money and wealth and to
understand the universal principle of fair exchange
• To have access to higher education for mental empowerment
• To have access to specialized health care for optimum health and
vitality.
My Story
Changing the predictive outcome that follows the “from shirtsleeves
to shirtsleeves in three generations” proverb has taken on tremendous
value to me.Why am I doing whatever it takes in an attempt to find out
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how? It’s common knowledge that a void drives a value on something;
whatever we perceive to be missing, we strive to fill it. This is certainly
true for me, and the reason lies in my story.
My father grew up with wealth yet when he died, he was
financially dependent on his children. As the daughter of parents
who lost all our family wealth (they were the third generation),
I wish to raise awareness, facilitate the mindset, the desire, and
the appropriate skills for my children and me to transform the
shirtsleeves-to-shirtsleeves-in-three-generations proverb to enable our
family to create and grow family wealth for multiple generations. In
that way, we take action to live extraordinary lives that raise the culture
we live in and obtain the best opportunities to grow and expand our
family for the ultimate fulfillment, well-being, and prosperity of every
family member for multiple generations. By doing this, we have a
greater opportunity to invest in our world society and contribute to
the raising of world standards in education and health. Our wealth
can unlock more opportunities for education and health worldwide.
Family wealth through generations is not exclusively for the benefit of
the family, because it’s through the acts of service and unlocking of
opportunities for society that family wealth transcends the generational
family to become the cosmic family.
We do not resent our parents for the actions and choices theymade.
I amgrateful that through their choices I developed a big void regarding
generational wealth. That void has given me a life purpose and meaning.
I can use their lack of insight and knowledge as a springboard and
through study, research, and practice, I can find inspiring ways to transform
the cycle for my family and, in the process, empower my children
and their children and their children—for multiple generations.
I’m certain that I’m not the only parent who has asked myself the
following question: “I’m spending so much time, energy, and money
on my children’s mental development by sending them for the best
education, but what am I doing to educate them about understanding
human behavior and being financially wise?” Acquiring knowledge,
understanding human behavior, and being financially skilled and wise
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will be the three most important influences I can have on the next
generation’s lives. By sharing the gift of knowledge, human behavior
skills, and financial skills and wisdom, I share the gift of empowerment
in all areas of life.
True Family Wealth
A family’s true wealth consists of the following:
• The talents, personalities, and genius of each family member.There is no
higher value in the balance sheet of a family than human capital. Each
individual family member is an asset (and a liability) and each family
member is a valuable source of knowledge, a potential contribution,
and an inherent value because of the unique individuality.
• The family’s story, or narrative. Every family has an origin and a history
and the narrative of every family is unique, playing an important role
in the development of society worldwide. Each family’s narrative is a
beautiful and colorful piece of a masterful tapestry. The choices and
decisions of your previous generations have a direct impact on your
life right now. You come from their choices, decisions, and actions.
Your choices, decisions, and actions will equally have an impact on
the next generations for years, decades, centuries, millenniums.Who
knows how far reaching the effects may be?
• The mental capital of the family—the mental abilities and exposure to
education represented by the family members. Growing up in a family
with the financial means to afford excellent education to the family
members contributes to the advancement of the mental capital of the
family. The different life experiences, exposure to global experiences
through travel, and exposure to knowledge all contribute to wealth
of the family’s mental capital.
• Emotional intelligence of the family. Families with exposure to
wealth have more opportunities to develop their emotional intelligence
simply because they can afford to pay for mental health
services, personal life coaches, and programs and seminars that
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xviii Preface
teach emotional intelligence. They have exposure to books, online
products, international conferences, and tertiary education—all of
which help develop their self-confidence and self-esteem. Money
does not buy happiness, but money can buy many opportunities for
self-development, empowerment, and emotional intelligence.
• The family’s health and vitality. Physical wealth refers to the opportunity
to have optimal health conditions. Good health increases with
specialized medical services, a healthy diet, and physical exercise, taking
supplements, and the awareness and desire to look after your
health. The more educated families are, the more the family’s purpose
and vision encompasses something bigger than themselves. The
more themembers of a family feel of meaning in their lives, the higher
the value they place on health and vitality, because the body is treated
as the vehicle to take extraordinary service to the world.
• A healthy family is a wealthy family.
• Social network and interactions. Familymembers build a network over
their lifetimes. Families do not live as islands, and the quality and
endurance of social networks and interactions add to the impact and
influence of each family member as well as the family as a unit. Like
attracts like and the quality of friendships and social networks is a
reflection of the endearing characteristics of the family. The lack of
quality friendships equally reflects the lack of the family to build
endearing friendships with significant people outside of the family
bonds.
• A family’s financial wealth. Family wealth is built by a man (husband,
father) or a women (wife, mother) or by a man and a women
(husband, father and wife, mother) who perceive a big void in
their financial well-being and therefore in the financial well-being
of their family. This big void acts as the driving force and intrinsic
motivation to build wealth for the family. The void, or absence
of financial means, becomes the fuel in the family-wealth engine.
Money is a form of energy. Money as a form of energy flows
where it is valued and appreciated and looked after and where it
has a purpose beyond acquiring material things. Once the wealth
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creator understands the snowball effect of wealth creation, the
wealth being created often takes on a more significant purpose; its
purpose becomes bigger than just creating a great life for the family.
The wealth creation transforms into a vision and legacy for the
family, sometimes for generations. Philanthropy becomes part of the
family’s outreach into society and the meaning of the family wealth
creation lifts up many individuals and families. This is also when the
shirtsleeves-to-shirtsleeves-in-three-generations proverb starts to be
a factor for the family to consider.
Why Are You Reading This Book?
It’s highly likely that you’re either the visionary and wealth creator of
your family wealth or that you’re the next generation and you wish to
shift the energy of the shirtsleeves-to-shirtsleeves-in-three-generations
proverb. You may also be a professional service provider to high-networth
families. This book is written with the intention of providing
some answers to the big question: how do we change or transform
the cycle of the shirtsleeves-to-shirtsleeves proverb? Can we even
change it at all? Since energy can’t be eliminated, perhaps it can only
be transformed.
In his book Family Wealth, James Hughes tells us, “Family wealth
is not self-perpetuating. Without careful planning and stewardship, a
hard-earned fortune can easily be dissipated within a generation or two.
He hasmade a valuable contribution in proposing a theory and method
for practicing successful wealth preservation.Throughout my writings,
you’ll find James Hughes’s work has had a significant impact on my
way of thinking and understanding the preservation of family wealth.
I am deeply grateful for his impact and influence on my understanding
and thinking.
Sir Isaac Newton said, “I’d rather stand on the shoulders of giants
than in their shadows, for then I can see further.” James Hughes is
one of the giants on whose shoulders I’m standing to see further.
I have indeed spent many hours pondering a possible transformation
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of the energy of the shirtsleeves-to-shirtsleeves proverb. This book is
my contribution to offering possible ways to do that.
Another giant on whose shoulder I’m standing is the human
behavior specialist and polymath, Dr. John Demartini. Throughout
this book, his impact and influence on my understanding of human
behavior will be keenly evident. He has taken my understanding of
human behavior where my training as a psychologist could not.
My wish is that the combination of many masterful minds will
shine light on the transformation of the energy of the shirtsleeves-to shirtsleeves
proverb.
CHAPTER 1
What You Perceive
Is Missing Drives You
Every person has unfulfilled wishes and dreams. As human beings, if
we keep on perceiving something is missing, we feel unfulfilled. It’s
the perception of emptiness, or a void, that becomes the driving force
for a person to take some action or perform some service and gives it
priority and importance.Without a perception of the void—the feeling
that something is missing—people often will lack drive.
It’s important for moving forward and for the creative process that
people perceive a void in their life. The emptiness creates the driving
force and the creative force of innovation. When individuals become
truly frustrated with their circumstances and they know life can be better,
creative forces enter the mind and innovation is born.Most of life’s
comforts and enhancements were born out of frustration with what is
and the desire to have something better and different.
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When you’re content and successful, that can be the ceiling for you.
But when you have a feeling of discontentment and a perception that
you’re unsuccessful, the driving force to make a change and to create a
better life is born. From birth, our inabilities and discontentment assist
us in our milestones. For a baby, the frustration of being immobile
creates the desire for movement. For a young child, the frustration of
not being comprehended creates the mastery of language. Whatever
you perceive is missing in your life, you wish to have.
When a person is sick and has ill health or injuries, health and physical
vitality become a priority of high value. When a person perceives
himself or herself to be dumb or ill informed, mental empowerment
becomes a high value. The man or woman with a perception of social
isolation desires friendships and social networks. The person without a
family or a couple without children often develop the desire for a family
and having a family becomes a high priority. People without a vision
and a life purpose seek meaning in their lives. When it’s time to choose
a career or a vocation, the search for service and finding a vocational
purpose becomes of high importance. The search for money and the
absence of money can become a strong driving force and a high priority
for the man or woman who perceive lack of wealth as creating pain,
suffering, challenges, and feeling unsuccessful.
Whatever you perceive ismost missing in your life becomes that one
thing you seek. Whatever you’re seeking, you’re willing to spend your
time on it without hesitation, and nobody has to remind you to attend
to it. You’re thinking about it a lot and it dominates your thoughts.
What becomes important to you, you wish to read about and learn
about, and you have a hunger for knowledge about that topic. Anything
you’re curious about and desire to know more about will prompt
you to put in the time, energy, focus, and dedication to learn about
it. You’ll have the intrinsic motivation to equip yourself with wisdom
and knowledge on that subject. Just by watching what a person reads
or searches for on the Internet, you can get a strong indication of what
the most important priorities are for that person.
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What You Perceive Is Missing Drives You 3
Perceiving a Lack of Money
and What That Can Ignite
I’ve heard many people’s stories over the years and I’ve read enough
biographies, books, and articles about successful and financially
empowered people to know that most of the time, a perception of lack
and void is the innovating trigger for wealth creation.
A family who consulted with me shared their family story, and it
echoes many other stories with similar narratives. The first generation
(man or woman) moved at a very young age from one country, which
at the time of exit was in a financially disempowered state, to a country
with better prospects. Some of these .migr.s are as young as fourteen
years old. The young man or woman arrives in a foreign country—the
proverbial promised land—with very little money, education, or possessions.
The individual narrative will be different after arrival, but typically
the story goes like this:They start working as blue-collar laborers,
learn to speak the language, and start to make an income. This humble
beginning—and the dire need for money for pure survival—ignites
in the man or woman the extraordinary character traits of survival,
self-growth, entrepreneurship, innovation, creativity, and perseverance.
The first generation—with the high focus, attention, time intensity,
high drive, and dedication to fill an empty wallet—develops a highly
concentrated and narrow focus on wealth creation. The struggle leads
to the development of character, determination, the willingness to
work hard, and perseverance. Many of them become larger-than-life
figures. It’s understandable that when a void gets filled and what has
been missing is provided, the idea of ownership is an easy next step for
the person creating the wealth. It’s undeniable that what you perceive
to be your highest, most important priority becomes your identity and
your destiny in life. It’s inevitable that your focus, intention, attention,
intrinsic motivation, time intensity, and inspiration become part of
who you are, defining your identity, what your life demonstrates, and
what you’re known for.
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4 Passing the Torch
What are the most important mindsets and life-long habits that
these individuals develop when they focus their intention on creating
wealth—first of all, narcissistically, for improving their own lives
and second, altruistically, for improving the lives of their family? These
mindsets and habits are recommended for every generation. Just as
money can grow like a snowball in a family, the same is true for mindsets
and habits.They can also grow like snowballs in a family until the
mindsets and habits become part of the family’s DNA.
They Have a Vision for Their Family’s Wealth Creation
They know that the secret to creating and growing wealth for their family
is to have a big enough reason to want to do it.The desire to grow
and create wealth to buy more things is not a good enough reason,
although wealth does make it possible to buy more things. A bigger reason
makes it more worthwhile. They chose to create and grow wealth
for their family to give them the best as well as to make the world a
better place. Imagine how fulfilling it would be if you, like Bill and
Melinda Gates through their foundation, focused on increasing health
conditions worldwide. In Family Wealth, James Hughes says, “A family
can successfully preserve wealth for more than one hundred years if
the family governance and practices are founded on shared values that
express the family’s differentness.”This can only be done if someone is
creating and holding the vision for the family—a vision for at least a
hundred years.
They Adapt the Best Strategy and Priorities to Create
and Grow Their Family Wealth
Whenever I ask a group of people, “Who wants to be financially independent?”
most people put up their hands.The reality is that less than
1 percent will become financially independent. To enable you to be
true to your hearts’ desire to create and grow wealth for your family,
you need to develop the right strategy, mindset, and priorities to do it.
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What You Perceive Is Missing Drives You 5
Set your attention on it, spend your energy on it, read and learn about
it, talk about it, think about it, and be inspired about it. Learn to create
and grow wealth through great service delivery and a strategic building
up of wealth. Forget about quick fixes and overnight success. Strategies
build wealth.
They Adapt the Eighth Wonder of the World
Albert Einstein referred to compound interest as the eighth wonder
of the world. They understand the eighth wonder and know their
money grows, even while they’re sleeping. They develop the healthy
habit of saving. Saving is another way to look at paying yourself first.
The wealthiest people in the world keep a big portion of their wealth
portfolio liquid, another form of saving. The more you save, the more
money flows to you, because money goes where it is appreciated. Your
emotions, thoughts, and feelings about your wealth will be less volatile
the more you save, as your savings acts as your cushion.
They Learn to Manage Their Emotions about Money
Warren Buffett is famous for his wealth accumulation and for saying,
“Until you learn to manage your emotions about wealth, you will not
get more money to manage.” Feelings of guilt, fear, shame, and uncertainty
are not the feelings of a wealth creator for the family. Instead,
they develop the skill to make swift decisions with certainty and listen
to their own genius inner voice. They learn life skills to manage their
emotions.
They Value Teaching Their Children Good Money Habits
They start when the children are young and make it their focus and
aim to teach them good money habits. They know children learn the
most by watching them.They neither spoil them nor become a scrooge.
I have to add that the most powerful families that build generational
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wealth for the benefit of the family and society start with educating
their children when they’re very young. Many first-generation parents
who create wealth, however, do not focus on financially educating their
children, and they often raise financially disempowered children. For
these families, the proverb is waiting to come true.
They Understand the Importance of Husband and Wife Teamwork
The axiom “Behind every great man there’s a great woman” indicates
that one’s chances of success increase if one has a great partner. A study
by Brittany C. Solomon and Joshua J. Jackson of Washington University
in St. Louis shows that “having a conscientious spouse can boost
your income.” Such couples know that the more closely they’re aligned
and working as a team, with the same goals, vision, and dreams for the
family, themore successful they’ll be in creating and growing the family
wealth. The wealth creation is not the job of one person. They understand
it’s a joint effort of supporting each other and delegating tasks
and functions to each other to make the “business called their family”
more streamlined.
They Develop the Habit of Delayed Gratification
We live in a time of immediate gratification—having what we want
without delay. Until you make peace with the habit of delayed gratification,
you’ll prefer spending your hard-earned money rather than
growing it.The wise wealth creators save their money until they have at
least three to six months of income saved, then they study investment
options and start to invest. By offering a great service or product, earning
money through fair exchange, saving, and investing money, they
steadily grow and increase the wealth they’re building for their family.
They have a long-term vision and take the steps toward it daily, and
they do it with delayed gratification as their mantra. They don’t compare
themselves with the Joneses. Rather, they compare themselves to
their own goals, dreams, and vision.
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What You Perceive Is Missing Drives You 7
The Power of Knowing What’s Most
Important to You
You can waste your time, energy, and focus if you allow someone else’s
priorities to obscure your own authentic priorities and what is most
important to you. This is one of the dangers rising generations face,
meaning all the generations following the first generation of the family.
The larger-than-life first generation can come across as so successful,
so certain, so overpowering, and so prescriptive that their dominance
can lead to the projection of first-generation priorities onto following
generations. It’s the birthright of every person to live his or her dreams,
hopes, wishes, goals, and vision—not someone else’s.
In his book The Voice of the Rising Generation, James Hughes
explains the rising generation as follow: “The rising generation is not
simply young, or second or next. Most fundamentally, it is an attitude
or a state of mind. A rising generation is defined not by biology or
finances but by psychology. The core element of this psychology is an
awareness of growth, possibility and hope. As a member of the rising
generation you recognize that you are far from finished. You may have
barely begun.” As the first generation has clearly identified and lived
their lives according to what is of highest importance to them, so it is
the birthright of every following generation.
How Do You Know What Is of Highest Importance and Priority to You—And Why
Is It Important to Know?
Socrates said, “A tethered specimen is very valuable for they are magnificent
creations. And that, I must say, has a bearing on the matter of
true opinions. True opinions are a fine thing and do all sorts of good
as long as they stay in their place, but they will not stay long. They run
away from a man’s mind, so they are not worth much until you tether
them by working out the reason.Once they are tied down, they become
knowledge and they become stable.”
As long as you look at life from a perception of lower value and
uncertainty about your role, purpose, contribution, and uniqueness,
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8 Passing the Torch
you will live life according to the voices from the outside and those in
your life whom you perceive to have the most certainty. Your uncertainty
about what you value as highly important for yourself will be
overshadowed by the more certain opinions of others. If you look up
to your first generation as the powerful and certain ones, the captain
of your ship, that focus can have the devastating effect of minimizing
your own drives, and you can then easily confuse what you perceive
they want from you as what is truly important for you.The biggest gift
a man or a woman can give himself or herself is to know with certainty
what is of highest personal value, importance, and priority.
What are the signs that you’re living your life according to what is
of highest importance and priority to you?
• You use words that affirm what’s important to you. You use words
that affirm you love doing what you’re doing, you’re inspired by what
you’re doing, you feel it’s your destiny to do it, and you choose and live
to do it.
• Your life shows with certainty what is of highest importance and
priority to you. That’s because you dedicate your life to the actions,
focus, and achievement of what is of highest importance and priority
to you. You continuously think about what is important to you. You
love to talk about what is important to you and you direct conversation
to the topic and themes you value as most important to you.
You wake up and become animated, and your self-confidence and
self-esteem strengthen when you’re focused on your highest values
and highest priorities.
Dr. John Demartini, human behavior specialist and polymath,
writes in his book The Values Factor: “Knowing your highest values
vastly increases your patience and perseverance. When you seek to
achieve a goal that aligns with your highest values, you increase your
patience, integrity, and leadership.”
You can ask yourself high-quality questions to help clarify what is
of highest value, importance, and priority to you. I believe the following
compilation of questions by Dr. John Demartini is concise and
revealing. Answer each one with at least three items and make sure
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What You Perceive Is Missing Drives You 9
they’re authentically your answers and not merely how you wish things
to be. If you answer with items representing your wishes rather than
reality, you’re not going to determine your true authentic values, high
priorities, and what’s truly of importance to you.
Demartini Value Determination Questions
1. How do you fill your personal and/or professional space?
2. How do you spend your time?
3. Howdo you spend your energy and when you do it, it energizes you?
4. How do you spend your money?
5. Where do you have the most order and organization?
6. Where are you most reliable, disciplined, and focused?
7. What do you think about, and what are your innermost dominant
thoughts? Exclude negative thoughts.
8. What do you visualize and realize?
9. What is your internal dialogue? Exclude negative self-talk.
10. What do you talk about in social settings?
11. What inspires you?
12. What are the most consistent long-term goals you have set?
13. What do you love to learn and read most about?
Once you’ve answered all thirteen questions with three items per
question, you’ll have thirty-nine listed items. Notice the repetition
in the listed answers and find the answer you’ve repeated the most,
then the answer you repeated the second most, then the answer you
repeated the third most. By counting the answers you’ve repeated,
you’ll be able to determine which answer appeared as most important,
second important, and third important. This way you can determine
your highest values, top priorities, and what is most important to you.
Here is an example of a hypothesis of the answers and highest
values, top priorities, and what is most important to a successful and
authentic, true-to-him-or-herself rising generation with a heart for
growing and preserving the family wealth:
1. How do you fill your personal and/or professional space?
• Books on self-development and self-empowerment
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10 Passing the Torch
• Business and financial magazines and newspapers
• Computer used for research on trends and patterns in the marketplace
2. How do you spend your time?
• Reading books on self-development and self-empowerment,
business, as well as financial magazines and newspapers
• Working in the family business
• Socializing with friends
3. How do you spend your energy?
• Exercising in the gym
• Working in the family business
• Reading
4. How do you spend your money?
• Saving and investing
• Books, magazines, and newspapers
• Lifestyle
5. Where do you have the most order and organization?
• My reading material
• My work schedule
• My social calendar
6. Where are you most reliable, disciplined, and focused?
• At work
• My reading and research
• Exercises
7. What do you think about, and what are your innermost dominant
thoughts?
• How do I grow the family business in my own vision?
• How do I grow my own finances and become successful in my
own right?
• Who will be my ideal life partner?
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What You Perceive Is Missing Drives You 11
8. What do you visualize and realize?
• Expanding the family business globally
• Finding the ideal life partner
• Growing my own finances
9. What is your internal dialogue?
• How do I grow the family business to be on all the continents?
• What is happening in the financial world?
• What do I want in the ideal life partner?
10. What do you talk about in social settings?
• What I learn in the books, magazines, and newspapers I’m
reading
• Business and what is happening in the financial world
• My family
11. What inspires you?
• Successful families
• Successful entrepreneurs
• Visionaries
12. What are the most consistent long-term goals that you have set?
• Making my mark in the business world
• Growing my own wealth
• Having a successful and fulfilling marriage and family ofmy own
13. What do you love to learn most about?
• Business
• Finance
• Self-empowerment
When you count the items most frequently repeated—from first to
sixth—you’ll see the following hierarchy of values, priorities, and high
importance:
1. Business
2. Finances
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12 Passing the Torch
3. Self-development
4. Family
5. Social
6. Exercise
What this hierarchy means is the following: this person is dedicated
and is assigning high value, importance, and priority to the items on
the list as mentioned. That is a high indicator of success for this person,
because whatever you focus on, dedicate yourself to, fill your mind
with, spend your time on, and set your goals for, that is where success
appears. It’s one of the most important pieces of information and
insight in understanding and knowing yourself—knowing your hierarchy
of values, priorities, and what is truly important to you. This is
your authentic self and your true self. “Know yourself, be yourself, love
yourself,” said the Oracle of Delphi.
Live Your Destiny and Leave Your Mark
“There are [people], who by their sympathetic attraction carry nations
with them and lead the activity of the human race.”
∼Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every person who has ever been born and those still to be born has
a reason, purpose, mission, and destiny. It does not matter the family
you’re born in or the vision your parents have for you. What matters
is what you wish to do with your life. What is of utmost importance
for you is to know what you consider most important and what you
want to be known for. When you have no idea what’s most important
to you, you can feel overwhelmed—filled with anxiety, insecurity, and
uncertainty. Fortunately, this information is not hidden fromyou. Your
life, your actions, your words, your language, your choices, and your
decisions demonstrate it. It is showcased to the world.
Your hierarchy of values—what you perceive to be of highest
importance and priority for you—is your purpose and ultimately your
destiny. What you perceive to be missing in your life becomes most
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What You Perceive Is Missing Drives You 13
important to you; therefore, you can confirm the words of Clarissa
Judd, director of the Demartini Institute and a master Demartini
Method facilitator: “Voids become high values and translate into life
wealth.”
There is a proverb, with variations around the world, that says famQ1
ilies go from “shirtsleeves-to-shirtsleeves in three generations.” Being
born in a family with financial means can distract you from the desire
to create wealth, since you don’t perceive any void in wealth or financial
means. Being born into family wealth creates a unique set of voids,
and every next generation has to face the challenge of being born with
the so-called “golden spoon in your mouth.” This advantage can create
the false illusion that money comes easily, and entitlement and a lack
of self-achievement and self-preservation can develop. Unless the rising
generation develops a clear sense of self with their own unique vision
and mission for their lives, the shirtsleeves proverb might very likely
become true for the family.
Because the first generation perceived a void relating to money, creating
money to keep the wolves at bay became their vision, mission,
and destiny. The same must be true for every generation that follows.
The difference is that for the succeeding generations, the void is not a
lack of money and finances. They’re born into a family with wealth and
financialmeans. But for every individual born in a family with financial
means, a different void develops. Every person makes decisions about
how he or she perceives life, and every perception is made based on
lopsided perceptions.No point of view or perception is based on an ultimate
truth. Every point of view or perception is made using the lenses
through which the person views life.This perception acts as a truth for
the observer, but with artful human behavior skills and high-quality
questions, any perception can be changed. Therefore, every man and
woman will form unique perceptions, through his or her own lenses.
Whatever you perceive is missing in your life will become a perception
you wish to change.The bigger the desire to change what you
perceive to be missing, the more it becomes your telos, or your purpose
or destiny. Your life will also demonstrate what you wish to change
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14 Passing the Torch
because you’ll make it a high priority of great importance to you. Just
as the first generation wished to change their financial destiny, the
following generations are wise to ask themselves what they wish to
change in their lives and what action steps they’re prepared to take to
bring the changes about.
You were not born to build your parents’ dreams. Neither were you
born to build any other family member’s dreams. You were born to
make your own dreams come true and to build your own ideal life.
Whatever you dream of making of your life, whatever your burning
desires are, whatever you dedicate your life to fulfilling is your destiny
and will become the mark you leave on the world. Ask the following
question over and over until you get more certainty: What do I want
to be known for? What do I wish to dedicate my life to?
From your biggest frustrations, innovation is born.Discontent with
what is, your disappointments, and your distress awaken your creativity,
goal-setting, and action steps that bring the changes you wish for.
You know things could be and should be better, but you just don’t know
how to make them better. You decide to walk toward the problem, not
dance around it, and you create your mission, vision, and purpose, and
thereby your destiny. It’s right in front of your eyes and has always been
there, in your frustrations, your discontent. That’s how your destiny is
born. When you awaken the genius in you through your sheer discontent
and you have a burning desire to make a change in your life, you
take another step in the direction of your destiny and the mark you will
leave with your uniqueness and extraordinary approach. Nobody has
your voids, nobody has your perceptions, and nobody has your dreams
and wishes to do or have things differently.They combine to make your
unique and extraordinary contribution to the world, and only you can
do it in the way you will do it.
Your perception of your disappointments, challenges, pain, losses,
failures, and lack of success all become your driving force and the big
bad wolf you wish to escape. Through your action steps, your decisions,
your choices, and your attention and intention, you create that which
is of highest importance, highest value, and highest priority to you, and
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What You Perceive Is Missing Drives You 15
that’s how your purpose and destiny are formed. When the expectations
on you to perform certain duties concerning the family wealth do not
make your heart sing and are not your heart’s desire, that is valuable
feedback to you: it is not your thing.
People who desire to live an extraordinary life, authentic to what is
of highest importance to them, develop the following habits:
• They never ever give up. They are “I can” people, saying “I unhook
the t from can’t.”
• They find what they love to do—and dedicate their life to it. It does
not matter what it is, as long as it is what they love doing and it
makes them tap dance through their days. Living a life with joy and
meaning contributes to feeling purposeful and fulfilled.
• They live with a vision and purpose. Every person is born with
a purpose and a reason for being. It’s no secret what your purpose
is, because your life, your actions, and your decisions reflect your
purpose. Your purpose becomes more tangible as you translate it into
a vision. No matter how big or small you perceive your vision to be,
it is uniquely yours, and nobody can have the same vision as you.
The world needs everyone’s vision. Your vision comprises your acts
of service to others and yourself.
• They leave a legacy. When you start to think about and plan the
impact you wish to have, you can choose how far ahead you wish
to think and plan. Whether you think small or big, its takes up the
same time and space in your mind.What is the gift you wish to leave
to your loved ones, your community, your country, and the world?
What is the outreach of the purpose you wish to have? Why not
think in terms of generations? The plans and thoughts take up the
same time and space in your mind as a one-generation thinking.
• They have a master plan for their life. Plan how you wish your
life to unfold in all areas. What about growing your spiritual awareness,
your mental power, your vocational service, your financial prosperity,
your caring family relationships, your social leadership and
impact, and your physical health and vitality? How will your life look
16 Passing the Torch
when you’re focused on being empowered and inspired in all the areas
of your life?
There are three powerful steps to master planning your life:
1. Have a burning desire for your life.
2. Take definite action steps to achieve your burning desire.
3. Develop an attitude of gratitude.The more you count your blessings,
the more blessings you will get to count.
You are here for your reason, your destiny, your life, and your
dreams. Know them. Live them. Be them. Give yourself permission
to be authentic and true to yourself. By doing this, the snowball
of perpetual motion of visionaries, visions, destinies, and legacies
will be built for your family. The purpose of family wealth then
takes on a much bigger form. It is the right of every family member
and every generation to live fulfilled, prosperous, meaningful,
and impactful lives. Nobody is born to live someone else’s life,
dreams, or vision. Living your own authentic life will break the
shirtsleeves-to-shirtsleeves-in-three-generations proverb in your family.
Hence, the biggest contribution you can make toward building your
multigenerational family—where every member in every generation
has the privilege to a fulfilled, meaningful, and purposeful life—is to
live a fulfilled, meaningful, and purposeful life.